running through the thistles
Most of you are aware by now that I am concluding my ministry at Mountain View Fellowship and retiring on December 31. A little book that was previously helpful to me is titled Running Through the Thistles: Terminating a Ministerial Relationship With a Parish, written by Roy Oswald of Alban Institute. I purchased that book years ago when I was resigning from my first pastorate.
The title is derived from the author’s memory of experiences he had as a small boy growing up in rural Canada. Oswald and his two older brothers would often take a short cut home from school, which meant going through a pasture field rather than around the road. The problem was the numerous thistle patches in the field. If it was warm weather they would be bare foot. Their way of dealing with the thistles was to simply run as fast as they could through the field, ignoring the pain as much as possible. When they got to the other side they would stop, sit down on the ground, and pick the stickers out of their feet.
Oswald uses this story to illustrate how some pastors approach their termination time at a church. They rightly assume there will be some pain involved, so after announcing their resignation, they attempt to run straight through the remaining months as quickly as they can. The advantage of this approach is that it allows the pastor to be distracted from the emotional discomfort that naturally accompanies the termination process.
The problem is that such an approach leaves stickers in our emotions that must be dealt with on the other side. The pastor attempts to “bite the bullet” and make an intentional effort to deny or hide personal feelings of grief that accompany such a transition. He/she then moves on to a new place or into retirement but still must cope with unexpressed feelings and lack of closure. The repressed emotions may eventually emerge like a festering splinter that will require additional attention.
The congregation is likewise robbed of the opportunity to express their heartfelt feelings, trying to protect the pastor, and maybe denying their own emotions as well. When this happens the church is also left with the pain of imbedded stickers. These stickers may show up as grief or anger toward the departing pastor or as uncertainty and difficulty in attempting to call a new pastor. Or the sticker may be the congregation’s struggle to accept the next pastor, stuck with memories of “how it used to be.”
I have been asked what future role Mona and I will have at MVF. We don’t know what the long-term future holds, but during this time of transition we definitely plan to step back from active attendance and participation. You need to develop your own relationship with the interim pastor and then the new pastor who follows. I certainly would not want my presence to hinder that process.
During my remaining three months as your pastor I hope that we can all deal openly and honestly with feelings we share. This is an emotional time for me and perhaps for you as well. But I don’t want us to just run through the thistles. I want to share with you as openly as I can, recognizing that Covid-19 restrictions make that more difficult. I hope you will take opportunities to share with me as well so that this can be a rich and rewarding time for all of us.
Pastor Wayne
The title is derived from the author’s memory of experiences he had as a small boy growing up in rural Canada. Oswald and his two older brothers would often take a short cut home from school, which meant going through a pasture field rather than around the road. The problem was the numerous thistle patches in the field. If it was warm weather they would be bare foot. Their way of dealing with the thistles was to simply run as fast as they could through the field, ignoring the pain as much as possible. When they got to the other side they would stop, sit down on the ground, and pick the stickers out of their feet.
Oswald uses this story to illustrate how some pastors approach their termination time at a church. They rightly assume there will be some pain involved, so after announcing their resignation, they attempt to run straight through the remaining months as quickly as they can. The advantage of this approach is that it allows the pastor to be distracted from the emotional discomfort that naturally accompanies the termination process.
The problem is that such an approach leaves stickers in our emotions that must be dealt with on the other side. The pastor attempts to “bite the bullet” and make an intentional effort to deny or hide personal feelings of grief that accompany such a transition. He/she then moves on to a new place or into retirement but still must cope with unexpressed feelings and lack of closure. The repressed emotions may eventually emerge like a festering splinter that will require additional attention.
The congregation is likewise robbed of the opportunity to express their heartfelt feelings, trying to protect the pastor, and maybe denying their own emotions as well. When this happens the church is also left with the pain of imbedded stickers. These stickers may show up as grief or anger toward the departing pastor or as uncertainty and difficulty in attempting to call a new pastor. Or the sticker may be the congregation’s struggle to accept the next pastor, stuck with memories of “how it used to be.”
I have been asked what future role Mona and I will have at MVF. We don’t know what the long-term future holds, but during this time of transition we definitely plan to step back from active attendance and participation. You need to develop your own relationship with the interim pastor and then the new pastor who follows. I certainly would not want my presence to hinder that process.
During my remaining three months as your pastor I hope that we can all deal openly and honestly with feelings we share. This is an emotional time for me and perhaps for you as well. But I don’t want us to just run through the thistles. I want to share with you as openly as I can, recognizing that Covid-19 restrictions make that more difficult. I hope you will take opportunities to share with me as well so that this can be a rich and rewarding time for all of us.
Pastor Wayne